AUGUSTUS CAESAR SALAD

RSS
You can lead a Gaul to water, but you cannot make him bathe.

You can lead a Gaul to water, but you cannot make him bathe.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on…
Actually, no one lived to fool me twice.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on…

Actually, no one lived to fool me twice.

Aug 1

Personally I think all 12 months should have been named after me.

Instead I was only honored with one sweaty, bug-infested Summer month.

But hey, that’s still 100% more than all subsequent historical figures combined.

Happy August, citizens of the world. 

Same goes for makin’ love. 

Same goes for makin’ love. 

When life gives you lemons, you brutally conquer every lemon producing nation on Earth.

When life gives you lemons, you brutally conquer every lemon producing nation on Earth.

Nov 4
Aged bronze really brings out my beautiful eyes.

Aged bronze really brings out my beautiful eyes.

Sep 6

Sorry, but I can’t respect any politician who doesn’t have the guts to declare himself emperor for life.

It’s Basilisk Week!

What can I say, we didn’t have sharks in Rome.

What George Washington and I have in common.

During his lifetime George Washington was frequently compared to the ancient Roman dictator Cincinnatus for willingly relinquishing an enormous amount of power following the defeat of the British in the Revolutionary War (hence the above sculpture by Giuseppe Ceracchi). And while I certainly never gave up an ounce of authority during my rule, it turns out that Washington and I had a lot more in common than you might think.

We have both been referred to as the father of our countries.

We both owned slaves.

We both had bad teeth.

We both had dickheads for stepsons.

We both look magnificent on coins.

We both enjoyed long walks on the beach. 

Third time’s a charm.

Wife number three, Livia Drusilla. Or as I liked to call her, Sugar Tits. It’s been speculated by some historians that she poisoned me in 14 A.D. Who cares? I was 77 years old and had ruled Rome for over 40 glorious years. And it beat the embarrassment of being publicly assassinated by my own troops. Either way, I still love ya babe.